Beating Jet Lag

After many years of travel, Fred and I have finally learned how to defeat jet lag. We discovered that you must follow the steps below....not necessarily in the order I listed them:

1. You must have two refuelling stops on a three hour flight

2. On one of the refuelling stops the tanker must run out of fuel and thus need to leave the plane to find          more fuel....this will add an additional half hour to the stop

3. The ground crew must forget to bring a stairway to the plane so refuelling can begin....this will only add an additional 20 minutes to your stop, but remember every minute is important in learning how to defeat the dreaded jet lag

4. Toronto Control Tower must close down for a short length of time...just enough time to cause chaos in the surrounding airports....it helps if your plane didn't take on enough fuel in its first refuelling session to circle Toronto for a few minutes as asked by Toronto

If you follow the above instructions, you will miss your early evening flight by two or three hours and will be rerouted on a later flight that takes takes an indirect route to your destination city (very important point).  The later departure has you leaving your departure city at a very late hour which means an easy sleep and it has you arriving at your destination at a later hour which means you can now switch to your arrival city time and have another good sleep! So easy....you just have to give up one full day of your holiday and you are set. No jet lag and all rested and ready to go.

There are actually two lessons that we learned yesterday. The other is how to smile politely at all Air Canada employees. When you have been told that the agent at the ramp will help you get a new flight plan, you must smile brightly when she tells you she doesn't know anything and you should go to customer service.

Your grin should widen even more when you get to customer service and you are behind twenty other displaced passengers. You might even start laughing outloud when you realize that all but two AC reps have decided to take a long supper break. I bet those 60 or so passengers from Saskatoon who missed their flights too are rolling in the aisles when they see that it takes 30 minutes for each person to be helped. At that rate they will be through the line in 24 to 30 hours.

Lastly, when you are put on a Lufthansa flight and you ask an Air Canada agent for directions to the Lufthansa gate and he answers "I don't have a clue" before turning his back and walking away....remember to smile broadly and don't let that one nasty word slip out of your mouth!

At 9:30 at night you can start jumping with joy when Air Canada tells you they didn't know how to get you through to the Lufthansa gate and so you must exit and come back in through security one more time, just to be sure "you are going in the right direction". How happy you will be!!!

I guess there are three lessons learned. The last lesson is really more of an acting pointer. When your flight from Munich starts its descent into Rome through more turbulence than a plane can possible endure, you must not act frightened. When you realize that you are descending through lightening bursts, please don't grab the arms of the seat and utter a loud gasp.  Just pretend all is well and you are thoroughly enjoying this day!